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'I'm trying to do it right this time'

Miles to go: A new resident adjusts to life at the rescue mission.

By Dan Cortez of The News-Sentinel



News-Sentinel photo by Aaron Suozzi
A helping handAfter an evening chapel service, Pastor Rick Van Horn, left, takes a few minutes to pray with Julius Woods, who is having trouble dealing with his wife's murder. Van Horn leads the Believer's Bible Fellowship in Churubusco, and the group volunteered to come to the mission for evening services.

Julius Woods looks like a high school freshman who has just transferred to a new school as he waits in the Fort Wayne Rescue Mission lobby on West Superior Street. He plays with the white identification band on his right wrist. He just came from the hospital. He fidgets. He stirs when people walk past, unsure whether to wave, smile or just say hello.

He's battling depression, and alcoholism, as are several in the rescue mission. It's two days past the ninth anniversary of the homicide of his wife, Cynthia Jo Woods. Woods came to the mission at the suggestion of a doctor. He's here to get back on his feet. But his difficulty in the first week in adjusting to the mission shows how hard it is sometimes to keep men in the program.

Woods just turned 42, but he is as tentative as a 12-year-old. He peers over his non-prescription glasses, which are sliding down his flat nose that was broken countless times when he was a boxer. He wears them because he is convinced they make him look smart, he says.

His first day is a Tuesday. He has met with staff, taken a psychological test and had an assessment. After spending some time in the emergency-admission T-Dorm, Woods joins the six-month restoration program.

After lunch, he has afternoon classes. The first one is about setting boundaries, followed by responsible thinking, then Bible study. Between each hour-long class is a 15-minute break when Woods joins the other residents in the courtyard for a cigarette. Most of the men smoke. It's better than what they used to do.

When his day is done, Woods throws his backpack over his shoulder, and case manager Eddy Bazile takes him to the second floor, where he will stay. Woods is given sheets for his bunk bed. They've come from a hospital and smell like a nursing home. The toiletries are travel size. Bazile gives Woods plenty of cheap one-blade razors.

The second floor is where residents sleep. The work dorm, on the west end, is for residents who have jobs but still stay at the mission.

In the middle is a lounge area, with full bookshelves and an out-of-date weight bench. A large table is cluttered with books and newspapers, but the men find room to roll their own cigarettes on it.

The laundry room is right next to the bathroom and shower area. The shower is equipped so four men can shower at once, but residents prefer their privacy.

On the east end of the second floor is where program residents sleep. Woods is given a top bunk, right over Jerry Watson, who has been in the program four months.

Woods puts his bag in his wooden locker and slides his multiple anti-depressant medications into cabinets that slide out of his metal bed frame.

"I can't forget to take my medications. Remind me to take them," he says to no one in particular. It's 10 p.m. Lights out.

Into the journey

The lights flash on at 6:30 a.m. Woods is due in the kitchen in 15 minutes to help serve breakfast.

After breakfast, the men aren't due in class until this afternoon. A college atmosphere reigns during down time. Watson, the self-dubbed Mission Musicman for his CD player that never is quiet, alternates between the Temptations and Teddy Pendergrass while he wipes down the floors.

Two bunks away, David Dixon is reading "The Spirituality of Imperfection."

"I know what I got to do to please Dixon. What do you want to hear, Dixon?" Watson says.

"Something with piano, classical," says Dixon, who also is still getting used to the program. He's been there a month.

"All right. You got it."

"Yeah, I'll believe it when I hear it," Dixon says.

Lunch is the biggest meal at the mission, and Woods is stuck working the kitchen since he's new. Some men run the dishwasher. Others help serve. The rest wipe down blue tablecloths after lunch and fold metal chairs.

Woods seems to be good at avoiding his duties. Instead, he spends most of his time hiding food -- like chicken and beans -- for later consumption.

The men are from varying backgrounds, but little fighting occurs. They accept that it's not allowed.

During a class break that afternoon, Woods listens to Watson and Paul Reichert, a resident since April, discuss how newcomers adjust to the program.

"You know, you were an angry person when you got here," Reichert tells Watson.

Watson, who has been at the mission four months, smiles.

"That makes you feel good. When somebody sees change in you," Watson says. "When I got here, I was mad. I was ordered here after prison. But when I started meeting the guys, it was a spiritual awakening."

Two guys were kicked out last week. One was caught using drugs, and the other argued with staff, they say.

"We aren't always positive," says Reichert. "There are days when you want to choke people. People on T-Dorm side smoke crack behind the building. They don't get this. You have to live this to understand it."

Woods worries the rules are complicated, but Watson tells him they're common sense. "Just make your bed," Watson tells him. "And don't do anything stupid."

Woods has his own home on the south side and returns to get more clothing when he has time. He also has an appointment with his psychiatrist and misses a couple of classes. The men are allowed to miss class for a good reason such as this.

In their down time, the men are allowed TV time. They are watching Game 4 of the World Series. At the start of each week, men can reserve TV time in two-hour blocks. The TV is never turned on during the week until about 7 p.m. A snack is brought out. Dairy Queen has donated dozens of frozen Blizzard treats, which are devoured quickly.

Fighting the inner battle

By the end of his first week, Woods is fighting an inner battle. He knows he needs to stay, but he doesn't want to.

The other guys wonder whether Woods still will be around in a few weeks. He misses a lot of classes.

Like most men, Woods spends a majority of the weekend away from the mission. The men can do as they please, as long as they don't use. They also have a 9:30 p.m. curfew.

Woods visits two of his nine children, Miracle and Julius. He gives the younger Julius a hat for his 13th birthday. Two days earlier, the mission had received the hat as a donation.

The men are glad to get outside, but it also makes them want to permanently leave behind the mission and its rules.

"My head is telling me to stay, but I don't know," Woods says.

The mission is frustratingly quiet at night. The men want to do their own thing, have some privacy. Some profanity slips out at these times, and men get irritated with each other. But the things they used to turn to for comfort -- drugs and alcohol -- aren't around anymore. So in the end, all they can do is sleep.

The next day, Woods is wiping down the cafeteria tables after dinner. A man from T-Dorm finishes his meal. He asks if Woods is on the emergency side, too. Nope, Woods says, he is on the program side. "I'm trying to do it right this time, brother," Woods says.

He keeps wiping.

The men

Julius Woods, 42. Graduated from North Side High School and spent 20 years working construction.
John Gray, 44. Electrician who was laid off two years ago.
Eddy Bazile, 45. Case manager for many of the men at the Fort Wayne Rescue Mission.
Jim Dance, 55. Executive director of the mission. Also teaches classes.
Howard Adkins, 55. Former resident who is now a staff member and lives at mission.

The schedule

INTENSIVE RESIDENTIAL PROGRAM SCHEDULE -- RESTORATION HOUSE (as of Sept. 15)
MONDAY
7:45 a.m. Morning devotion
9:30-11:15 a.m. Learning Center open
1-2 p.m. Psychodrama
2:15-3:15 p.m. Recovery Dynamics/Bible Study
3:30-4:30 p.m. Fitness (YMCA)
5-6:45 p.m. Learning Center open
7 p.m. Chapel
TUESDAY
7:45 a.m. Morning devotion
9:30-11:15 a.m. Learning Center open
1-2 p.m. Boundaries
2:15-3:15 p.m. Responsible Thinking (Learning Healthy Thinking)
3:30-4:30 p.m. Bible Study
5-6:45 p.m. Learning Center open
WEDNESDAY
7:45 a.m. Morning devotion
9:30-11:15 a.m. Learning Center open
1-2 p.m. Life Skills
2:15-3:15 p.m. Recovery Dynamics/Bible Study
3:30-4:30 p.m. Success for Living
5:00-6:45 p.m. Learning Center open
7 p.m. Chapel
THURSDAY
8 a.m. House meeting
9:30-11:15 a.m. Learning Center open
1-2 p.m. What the Bible is About
2:15-4:30 p.m. Fitness (YMCA)
5-6:45 p.m. Learning Center open
FRIDAY
7:45 a.m. Morning devotion
9:30-11:15 a.m. Learning Center open
1-2 p.m. Choices
2:15-3:15 p.m. Nutrition Class/Alcohol, Tobacco and Other Drugs
3:30-4:30 p.m. Relapse Prevention
5-6:45 p.m. Learning Center open
Residents can attend the Learning Center to study computer skills or prepare for the GED in the morning or in the evening. Their weekly chores average 15-20 hours per week.

The glossary

* Drinking and drugging -- Slang for abusing alcohol and drugs. Most of the men in the program have addictions to one or both.
* T-Dorm -- Temporary/Transition dorm on east side of building for temporary emergency residents. These men live separately from the men in the program. Those in T-dorm don't stay at the mission during the day.
* NA -- Narcotics Anonymous meetings. The residents are required to go to at least three meetings per week. Some men also attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.
* Case manager -- Person the men talk with to make sure they are progressing. The men also talk to their case manager during times of weakness, when they get cravings for their addictions.